Written for adults on the spectrum and those involved - parents, spouses, friends - this book is divided into two sections: life and love. In the life section, the author describes and suggests concrete ways to deal with some of the issues and problems faced by those on the autism spectrum. Examples include how to accommodate sensory issues, maintain a home, and manage a career. In the love section, instead of focusing on one topic, the author includes a broad spectrum of suggestions for different types of relationships and weaves these together with the core concept of self-esteem.
ISBN 1931282935

Excerpt:

As you go up and down the aisles with your [shopping] cart or basket, you may get stuck behind someone who is blocking the aisle and won't move. Don't try to ram your way through. Politely ask the person to move her cart to the side so you can pass. If this type of social exchange is too difficult, back up. Return in the direction you came from and go down the next aisle over, then up the other end of the blocked aisle(pp. 69-70).

- Chapter 4: Shopping

If your non-spectrum partner asks you when she should use Direct Statements, go by this rule: Always assume everyone in the room in blindfolded. Would others still get the message? Pretend your wife is carrying in an enormous load of groceries from the car, the bag is about to break, and she really needs help. Maybe she looks concerned or anxious. Maybe she's juggling the bag. Maybe she says something indirect and subtle like, "Gee whiz, this is heavy!" Now ask her to imagine that some other person in the room is completely unable to see and does not understand English. Would he understand what she is trying to indicate? Should he be considered rude because he can't tell she is struggling? No.

The most damaging stereotypes about autistic people probably stem from autism-related nonverbal communication deficits. But if your wife were to state plainly and clearly, "I am having trouble carrying the bags of groceries. Please take the bags from my arms and place them on the kitchen counter for me," most autistic people would be glad to help. Autistic people are not intrinsically uncaring or unempathetic (pp. 226-227).

- Chapter 9: Spectrum/Non-spectrum Relationships - A New Perspective on Making It Work

If you misfire when you reach for objects, practice helps.One day when you aren't tired or stressed out, put [your] toothbrush on the kitchen table. Try reaching for it at different speeds and with different amounts of pressure. Bring it to your mouth fast. Bring it to your mouth slowly. Which works better? Do you have to squeeze the toothbrush as hard as a rock to keep it safely in your fingers? Or can you squeeze it with a little less force? When you find the right combination, practice until you can use the toothbrush with less effort (p.21).

-Chapter 1: Sensory Issues

We need to find a way to move us from the stigma of behavioral problems or social deviance to the healing light of neurological diversity. All the suggestions, tips, and advice offered in this book are like lampposts on that path. The only way we will get down the path is if we stop the legacy of autistic invisibility by living our lives fully and with a deep sense of pride and purpose (p. 344).

-Chapter 14: Invisibility and Self-Esteem in the Autistic Community

About Zosia Zaks:

Zosia Zaks has Asperger Syndrome. Although she completed her master’s degree in technical journalism from Polytechnic University in 2000 and held a variety of writing and editing jobs, it was various vocational and social challenges that led to her diagnosis at age 31. Now, with a clearer understanding of autism and how it impacts her life, Zosia has managed to face these challenges with creative ideas and innovative compromises. She now works as a heavy equipment operator in the International Union of Operating Engineers Local 825. This type of work allows her to go from project to project and is concrete in nature. She also runs www.intelligirl.com, a website that allows visitors to customize jewelry. Additionally, she lectures and conducts workshops nationally on issues of importance to the autistic community; consults with families, couples, and adults on the spectrum to find ways to meet challenges based on autistic strengths; and serves on the Advisory Board of GRASP, the Global and Regional Asperger Syndrome Partnership. She is married to her partner Gena. They live just outside New York City with their fifteen-month-old twin daughters, Ruby and Eislyn, and their cat, Zero.

What others are saying:

“Life and Love is an important handbook for individuals on the spectrum. Keep it on your bookshelf to turn to when you’re ready to tackle a new challenge. Use it when you’re in a quandary about what to do in a close relationship or if you’re feeling overwhelmed by a household matter. Here you’ll find thoughtful, practical solutions!”

- Valerie Paradiz, Ph.D., executive director, ASPIE School, author of Elijah’s Cup

“Long one of GRASP’s treasured advisory members, Zosia Zaks has written perhaps the most comprehensive peer-written living guide to date. As Zosia states early in Life and Love, no two people on the spectrum are the same. Yet everyone with autism, Asperger Syndrome, or PDD will find something useful in this amazing book.”

- Michael John Carley, executive director of GRASP, the Global and Regional Asperger Syndrome Partnership, Inc.

“What better way to hear ideas than from a peer? Zosia Zaks is an adult with Asperger Syndrome. Her book uses task analysis to proactively tackle the many day-to-day activities of life: from planning a visit to the grocery store, to the more complicated and potentially worrisome concerns involving relationships, doctor visits, and asking for help. Her kind and organized style helps to lessen anxiety and assist readers in gaining independence. For those on the spectrum, independence can be fraught with anxiety but Zosia’s book, enhanced by bold and effective pull-outs, can help independent life come closer to reality.”

- Pat Schissel, CSW, president, AHA/AS/PDD, parent of an adult with Asperger Syndrome, and adjunct faculty, Long Island University, C.W. Post

“What a gift! Life and Love is the first book I have read that simplifies life with autism without being simplistic. Not only will this book change the lives of millions living with autism, it will also change the way that social service providers comprehend, interpret, respond to, and communicate with us all. And, applause! For the first time, we hear the ‘invisible’ voice of women with autism. We hear about the abuse of gender bias and vulnerability to social/sexual abuse, which is prolific in our world but, shockingly, remains one of the darkest secrets in our community. You are my hero, Zosia!”

- Dena L. Gassner, MSW, Center for Understanding

“Through the lens of autism, Zosia packs her book with practical solutions for successfully getting through routines and tasks of life at home, the community, and employment. Charting new ground, she also forges ahead with insights and life experience-based suggestions for meeting the challenges of all types of relationships, including roommates, coworkers, friends, family, and intimate others. In the process, Zosia shows us all – whether autistic or not – how to live and love as better human beings.”

- Stephen Shore, author of Beyond the Wall: Personal Experiences with Autism and Asperger Syndrome, editor and contributor of Ask and Tell: Self-Advocacy and Disclosure for People on the Autism Spectrum, board member of the Autism Society of America, and executive director of Autism Spectrum Disorder Consulting